Change the Conversation

"If you don't like what's being said, change the conversation."  I've been somewhat obsessively watching Mad Men lately, catching up on this series after Sweet Hubby and I took a loooong break from watching (we don't get the channel and have to wait for it to come along on Netflix).  I find myself lying awake at night, unable to sleep, thinking about what's going on with the characters and what could happen next.  I can't blame Mad Men for my insomnia, I'd be awake anyway-- I just think it's funny that after I go through the catalog of my own worries, I turn to those of the fictional characters I'm most involved with at the moment.  Today I was trying to express to a friend what I find so interesting and escapist about this series-- and I realized (aside from the costumes) it's the relationship of the women in the show to motherhood- or rather their complete lack of interest in their children.  Even the stay-at-home trophy wives in the show (with one exception) have very little to do with their kids, more interested in their clothes, husbands and affairs.  It's not that there are no women on the show, or no mothers, or even no children-- there just aren't mothers who build their lives around their children, even while they are new mothers and the children are adorable babies.

It's little wonder I find this fascinating after a day that starts with waking to the sound of Snorzy's voice in the other room, followed by homeschooling and getting the big guys to their activities all while chasing a very active toddler, through dinnertime and shuffling everyone off to bed-- there isn't a moment of my day that doesn't have to do with my children.  And I love it, in fact I love it too much-- I can't seem to wrap my head around doing anything else with my time even though I know I'll probably be mad at myself ten or twenty years from now if I don't go back to school or find a creative outlet or a career now while I'm young(ish).


I haven't been keeping up with this blog because I haven't been keeping up with my self-imposed craft challenge-- as we started our new school year and spring turned warm and wonderful, I just couldn't get excited about making things.  The temptation is to start a new blog, the way I used to start a new journal periodically as I felt I was moving into a new phase of my life (starting college, starting a career, starting a family).  I've learned though, that what works best for me is to just turn the page and start fresh from where I am, unapologetically.  When Primo was small I bought a colorful composition book at the grocery store and started a hybrid journal/scrapbook, over the years I've continued through five of these books (every time I'm afraid I'll run out of colors and have to repeat, I'll find a new one in the stationary aisle), which veer wildly in content as I go through phases of interests-- from fashion and makeup to garden plans and children's parties, preschool play time activites, literature, career planning, homeschooling and travel.  I never worry what it's 'about' or whether it fits-- it's just a brain dump, a window into what's going on in my cranium.  Never anything very serious, I'm not out to impress anyone with my sophistication!


(the pink one on the left is the original-- started ~November 2002)

And so, this blog.  We'll see if I pick up my craft challenge again, maybe when it gets cool or something causes me to get inspired again around making things.  I'll never stop writing about homeschooling-- that is, unless I stop homeschooling.  Right now stopping is not in the cards, although theoretically I've always said that I'm only committed to homeschooling one year at a time.  So, what else will I write about?  Stay tuned and see.  For today, here is a look at my Fair Acre (um, actually just a fraction of an acre in the middle of a small city)...it seems Mr. Groundhog has moved on, so I'm cautiously planting some baby vegetables this weekend, and hoping he doesn't come back to munch them!


baby kale


my enemies-- I planted two tiny rhododendrons side by side the first spring we lived in the house, and ten years later I've threatened to tear them out nine times


and right next to my enemies, my oldest plant friend-- a Jackmanii Clematis that I planted that same first spring, ten years ago, as a little start ordered from the Kelly Nurseries catalog.  The other two varieties that I planted never grew.  Every time I think he's done and not coming back, up he pops again!


some happy hostas, my new best friends of the plant world.  I love how lush and lettuce-y they are in the spring, and how happy to grow and thrive without any fussing from me.


and, a frenemy-- the wild rose climbing rose in the middle of this shot was a tiny bush donated by a friend years ago.  I didn't realize it was a climber, or I wouldn't have put it in my precious sunny patch.  He choked out a prettier rose that grew next to him until last fall, and his tendrils catch me as I try to weed and plant in the patch.  The roses are tiny and cute and plentiful, but I think it's going to be moving day for this guy, one day soon.  For now, I have his longest branches trained up along the fence-- hope they stay that way until I figure out where to put him!

AWOL

What does it mean when I don't 'find any time' to write on the blog for over two weeks?  Well, for one thing it means that the month of 'break' is over and now half my day is taken up with overseeing the boys' lessons.  We had gotten into some bad habits of doing very short days of lessons, and I was determined as we started this new 'school year' to nip that in the bud and get back to doing a good, solid morning...and in Primo's case, right on into the early afternoon, of book work.  It's going better than I anticipated, I know eventually I'll get some foot-dragging and complaint over the increase in their work, but for now it must feel novel and interesting to them, because they aren't complaining a bit.
Somehow, I can't remember ever feeling so uninspired creatively-- not even in the cold, grey tail end of winter!  I've been knitting a little, a very little, just enough that I can tell myself I haven't fallen down on my craft challenge.  I don't know what it is-- in this blooming, burgeoning season I ought to be buzzing with ideas.  Instead, I'm just biding my time, reading a lot about food (more on that in a minute) and wishing I could start my garden but instead having to wait until we trap and relocate the groundhog living under our shed.
I'd been thinking more about food and health than usual anyway, as I count calories and keep a food log (on the LoseIt! app, which I love and highly recommend) trying to lose the last 15 pounds of baby weight.  Then a chance conversation with my dear friend Ariel about the Paleo diet had me hitting up the interlibrary loan for the books It Starts With Food and Eat Like a Dinosaur, the first of those is more radical in terms of what is considered 'good' food-- no grains of any kind, no sugar, nothing that even mimics grain or sugar, only certain oils and fats, no dairy, and lots of high-quality (not factory raised) meat, and (mostly) organic vegetables and fruits.  Next I picked up Year of No Sugar, a memoir of a woman who (along with her husband and young daughters) spent a year eating very little sugar. 
At first I was convinced, and warned the family that I might ask them to radically change what we eat for a little while.  As the days passed, though, I calmed down and realized that we would never be able to stick to any really radical plan, we're just not that kind of family and I in particular am not that kind of mom.  However, I've started thinking more about what we eat, and just how many of our meals consist of a grain and some dairy.  Without cutting anything out of our diets at all, I've started making little tweaks to our meals and snacks to reduce the amount of sugar and flour that we're eating (somehow I can't wrap my head around giving up dairy, though).



(artichoke & spinach sandwich spread for Snorzy-- without the cream cheese, parmesan, and regular (sugar-containing) mayo, this wouldn't be so delicious!)


So, that is what's been going on for the past couple of weeks since I last wrote-- not a whole lot.  I hope my inspiration comes back soon, I know there is nothing I can do to force it-- one day I'll just wake up brimming with plans.